shoutout to all the other ex-gifted & talented/honor student/straight a/senior editor/star student/99th percentile/once-creative burn-outs who have, since high school, realized they are truly miniscule fish in a giant, endless ocean, criticized themselves to the point of creative paralysis, and participated in so much self-sabotage they no longer see the point of doing anything at all because they’re just going to ruin it for themselves anyway
Well it appears that this blog has regained its relevance in my life: I wasn’t accepted to the graduate program after all. I have the option to be considered in next year’s applicant pool if I fluff my resume and application a bit, but I’m not entirely sure what I want to do about that.
In the last few days I had started to suspect I wouldn’t be admitted, which is fine, because I wasn’t sure that was the type of study I actually wanted to do. But rejection is still rejection. And I’m usually really careful to not get my hopes up about something, but I let myself get excited despite all of the variables. I’ve already been burnt out at work for weeks, but getting that email first thing this morning really took the wind out of my sails.